Sent to me by a female friend of mine with penis-envy...
- Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
- Your orgasms are real. Always.
- Your last name stays put.
- The garage is all yours.
- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
- You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
- You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
- Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
- Same work .. more pay.
- Wrinkles add character.
- You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
- Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
- If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
- People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
- New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
- One mood, ALL the damn time.
- Phone con versations are over in 30 seconds.
- A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase.
- You can open all your own jars.
- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
- Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
- If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
- You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
- Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
- You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."
- No maxi-pads.
- If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
- You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
- You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
- You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.
- The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
- Your belly usually hides your big hips.
- One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
- You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
- Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in minutes.
- The world is your urinal.
