August 2005 Archives

Thanks to Melissa for this one, and many of the other ones I've posted up here. If you keep on forwarding them, I'll keep on posting them!

A guy is in a line-up at the Super Market when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.

He's rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "sorry do you know me?"

She replies "I maybe mistaken, but I thought, you might be the father of one of my children!"

His mind shoots back to the one and only time he had been unfaithful, "Christ!" he says "are you that stripper on my stag night that I screwed on the snooker table in front of all my buddies while your friend whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my Ass

No she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher."

A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting.

"I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it."

When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder.

Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that is hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."

Is that when you swore?"

No, Mother," says the nun. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away."

Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Mother Superior again.

Well, no." says the nun. "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!"

Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed elder nun.

No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball."

Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient.

No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about twelve inches from the hole."

The two nuns sat there silent for a moment.

Then Mother Superior sighed and asked,

"You missed the fucking putt, didn't you?

Jerome John Garcia
1 Aug 1942 - 9 Aug 1995.

May your memory and music live on!

Even Jimmy Buffett though Jerry was a God: https://www.themickeyzone.com/archives/the_death_of_bu.php