September 2006 Archives

So I go to the post office the other day to get my mail and I get this envelope from a company that only identified itself as "CEI". I could tell it wasn't anything cool like a credit card or my next issue of Playboy since the envelope was small and flimsy. Opening the envelope revealed something more shocking than a straight-edge rock star... a collections notice.

A collections notice alone was pretty shocking.. because, well, I pay all my bills. It's something that I've taken pride in as I age. But there was something that made this whole situation even crazier...

I was put into collections for $1.28!

That's right, Green Mountain Power was somehow shorted a whole buck and a quarter and they wanted their money. So how better to get your money than to ask a lawyer to get it for you. Funny thing is, they could have just called me.

Here's a copy of the collections letter I got, you can click on it to view it larger in a new window:

So I called up the agency and asked to make a payment plan. Really. Of course I wasn't really intending to pay it off with a plan -- but that's how stupid the whole thing was to begin with. The person I dealt with agreed with me and vocally called it "retarded". Good thing I didn't have diminished mental capacity, otherwise I probably could have had a lawsuite against them for using such a derogitory term. She was right though.

Ultimately, the amount owed was too little to run a credit card transaction for, and probably cost 10x+ just to process it.

Plain silly.

Since my little perverted sister seems to have an obsession with penises, this year I decided that I would get her a gag gift of a Playgirl for her for her birthday. Little did I know that my idea would soon be taken for new levels. Where I would have absolutely no issues walking in and buying a sleazy girly magazine from a store, the idea of buying a magazine with a plethora of naked men with their cocks out didn't appeal to me. So I called my sister and told her my idea and asked if she could pick it up for me. She thought it was a great idea and agreed.

Well, apparentally her and my brother in-law stopped at the porn shop to fufil my request and not only did they pick up the Playgirl I asked them to, but Bethany picked up another pecker-mag, and Donnie bought a 8" rubber dildo. Yes, that's right, my sister was given a dildo by her brother in-law. I guess if used right, that gives new definition to 'gag' gift.

So below are some pictures of Monica as she opened her stiff gifts.