October 2006 Archives

A guy is in a bar with a bunch of his friends. After a while of shooting pool and drinking, he whispers something to his friends. A few minutes later he walks over to the bartender and asks for a shot of tequila. After he takes the shot he says to the bartender, "I'd like to make a bet with you."

The bartender replies, "Sure I'm in a betting mood."

So the man bets the bartender $1,000 that he can piss in the shot glass placed all the way across the room and fill it up and not spill a drop.

The bartender says, "I'll take that bet."

So the man walks to the other side of the room and places the shot glass down. He goes back to the bartender and starts pissing. He doesn't even get a drop in. He pisses all over the place. In the bartender's face, all over the barstools and everything. After he was done pissing, the bartender laughed and said, "You owe me $1,000."

The man paid the money with a big smile on his face. The bartender asked, "How come you're so happy?"

The man replied, "You see those five guys over there by the pool table? I bet them $300 each that I could piss all over your bar and you'd laugh about it."

I had almost forgotten the question a coworker of mine asked me not too long ago in a very casual way that I felt had no bearing on life whatsoever.

"Do you like flowers, Mickey?"

Of course, through my mind went the obvious answers. Of course I like flowers, they can get me out of trouble, they score brownie points with the women, and if strategically played can lead to all sorts of good things...

"No," I replied. "Not only do they stink, (especially lilacs), but they stuff me up and make me sneeze. They can be expensive, and ultimately they all die and the petals whither and fall off... and for what?" Stated like a cold, true man, I suppose; and that ended the conversation. The whole confrontation was over, to be filed in the back of my mind, ready for the recylce bin.

Until yesterday.

After lunch I come back to my desk and was quickly reminded of my conversation with my coworker. Because sitting on my desk was my very own vase of flowers. A gesture so touching, I had to take them out for a photo shoot.

So I guess this just goes to show, that even if you have gripes and complaints about something, most of the time you can be accomodated.

Thank you Mary, for the thoughtful chuckle.

Surrounded by fabric all cushy and soft,
She picks up her book and then she drifts off.
Into a world of goblins and elves,
Don't try to talk to her, she's somewhere else.

Penned by another for people to read,
It's like taking a trip, but not having to leave.
Her physical body is sitting right there,
I try to converse with her but she doesn't care.

Ignore me, oh darling, ignore me some more.
Put down your book and clean the shit off your floor.
Or maybe come closer and listen to me sing,
It's not like it's Tolkien's Lord of the Rings.

I beg for attention, just give me a sec;
I promise, oh darling, you won't regret.
I'm writing some lyrics, from my heart to you,
Do I bore you so much this is what you must do?

At least it's a book and not some silly game,
For that I give credit, because you could be playing.
Indluged in a world of electronic crack,
At least in a book, when it's done you'll be back.

Ignore me, oh darling, ignore me some more.
Put down your book and clean the shit off your floor.
Or maybe come closer and listen to me sing,
It's not like it's Tolkien's Lord of the Rings.

But for those god damned authors, to cease and desist,
Is not but a lonely man's very last wish.
More volumes and stories and books they do write
From me they take you, and for that I must spite.

This is a story of how things just are,
Only ten feet away, but I feel so far.
Ignore me oh darling, ignore me, OK?
Ignore me oh darling, I'll just sit here and play.

Ignore me, oh darling, ignore me some more.
Put down your book and clean the shit off your floor.
Or maybe come closer and listen to me sing,
It's not like it's Tolkien's Lord of the Rings.

Forgive me, oh darling, for writing this song,
Because how things are, I don't think it's wrong.
To put down my feelings about what you do,
But no matter what I say, I still love you.