Mickey's Chipotle Beer Burger

I've been fooling around in the kitchen the past few days and I've come up with what I think is the jackpot of all burgers. I'm sure I probably subconsciously ripped this off from some diner somewhere, so don't even start with the "I've seen this before" comments. Before I came up with it, I hadn't; so it's fresh to me.

Here's the recipe:

Ingredients

Burger - Enough to fill you up - Beef works well, but I'm sure any dead animal will work as well.
Green Peppers, diced - about 1/4 cup per burger - available diced and frozen.
Onions, diced - about 1/4 cup per burger - also available diced and frozen.
Chipotle Cheddar cheese - since I haven't been able to find this in slices, I cut pieces off the side of a 8oz block.
Sourdough Bread, sliced - I'll let you figure this one out.
Your Favorite Beer - 1 bottle, size unimportant - a cola can be substituted for those on the wagon.
Honey Mustard
Spices of Choice, to taste

1. Roll your meat so to form patties the size you desire. Take in mind of the fat content of the meat you're using as the burger will shrink accordingly. If you bought frozen pre-made burgers, remove them from the freezer.

2. Put your burgers, two (2) at a time, in a large skillet on medium-high heat. Cover.

3. Open beer, take a drink.

4. Toast four (4) pieces of bread. A toaster oven comes in handy here as you can fit all four slices at once. A conventional toaster will do if it has to, though.

5. Flip burgers, add pre-measured green peppers and onions, recover.

6. Using a sharp knife, a cutting board and extreme caution, slice off enough cheese off the block to cover two pieces of bread. Eat a few pieces of cheese.

7. Realize that Chipotle is just smoked jalapenos and that the cheese is spicy. Take three large gulps of beer.

8. Uncover burgers and stir around peppers and onions. Flip if needed. Leave uncovered.

9. Place bread in two rows of two. On the bottom halves cover with the Chipotle cheddar cheese. On the top halves drizzle with honey mustard. This will give it a sweet tinge.

10. Continue to stir the peppers and onions and flipping the burger while taking regular schwigs of your beer. Season with whatever spices you can find that might taste good. By the time your beer is done, the burgers will be finished.

11. Place a burger on each piece of bread on top of the cheese. Pile an even amount of peppers on top of each burger. Top the burger off with the other piece of bread, preferrably honey mustard side down.

12. Find another beer. Enjoy!

Tomorrow, the vegitarian version...