December 2003 Archives

Ok, so maybe it's not really a butt plug, but that's the first thing that crossed my mind when I found this small little item in the bottom of my Christmas stocking. Now, just incase I've mislead some of you to read this entry, and you're really interested in butt plugs, you can go here.

So if it's not a butt plug, what is it? It uses the same general principals, you stick it in an open hole, and the hole becomes plugged. One difference this has with conventional models of butt plugs is that by way of a little handle, the base of the plug expands to create an even more filling effect. This comes in incredibly handy when trying to fill spaces tightly without having to force the object too hard.

So I spent some time trying to plug everything that I could with it. It didn't work in my tub, the drain was just a bit too big and the water drained out quickly. The bathroom sink was a different story. I stuck it in the hole, and pulled the little lever and turned on the faucet. The water came out and stayed nicely in the sink, so either the plug did it's job, or there's enough hair in the drain to dirty my test results.

After a little while it finally came to me what I could use this for. I ran to my fridge to get a beer. Unfortunately, there were no beers left in my fridge; not surprising as a beer's life span in my house much resembles that of the gastrotrich.

To the pile of empty bottles I went and found a plethora of subjects to test. I spent a good amount of time being choosy and picked the first bottle off the top. In went the plug, the lever was pulled, and tada nothing was able to get in, or get out of the beer bottle. A success!

Using my deductive reasoning, I have also decided that this would work well to plug to tops of wine bottles, and even possibly a soda bottle. But who drinks soda anymore? All I know is that next time I drink half a beer, I'll use this to make sure the other half doesn't go to waste.

And as it says on the butt plug website: Beginners are advised to use small plugs with plenty of lubricant.

Happy Holidays everyone.

I wont say that the people I work with are uptight, or don't like to have any fun, but with the nature of the jobs we do, seriousness usually plays as a factor in day-to-day work life. For those of you that don't know, I work for the University of Vermont in the Alumni Relations division. The main reason for us to exist is philanthropy:

phi'lan'thro'py-
The effort or inclination to increase the well-being of humankind, as by charitable aid or donations.

Now I don't do any of the fundraising myself, I work in the IT Department supporting about 100 people with their day-to-day technical needs as well as many other technical related tasks. So now I'm sure you can imagine what the office life is, or at least get a good idea.

For our party this year my division had rented out a small cafe/bar in downtown Burlington for the afternoon; from noon until 4:30. We had a DJ with karaoke, a full bar and munchies to eat catered by the place were at.

The food was a bit "sophisticated" for my tastes, although it didn't taste bad at all. They had a whole cheese, cracker and bread platter with many kinds of toasts, breads and cheeses. This was great, except that I found that in order to spread the cheese, or eat from this platter you really needed to use two hands, and that would require you to put your drink down. On another table they had skewers with chicken on them, this was probably the most normal food that they had out. Along side the chicken were some quesadillas. I was pretty sure they were chicken too, at first, but then I was informed that they were in fact, duck. Duck quesadillas?? Who the hell makes duck quesadillas? They were yummy, of course, but a bit high class again for my taste.

Finally there were waitresses carrying around trays with the final two food items on them: cucumbers with spices and tuna on them, and little toasts with salmon. Two items I'd never go out and look for, or have cravings for, or actually ever think about again.

It was great to see everyone let loose, though. Many of the people I work with were rosy-cheeked with a nice alcohol buzz going through their bodies. Early in the afternoon they had a talent show where a few of my co-workers showed their talent's to the group. There was one person who played a keyboard, another group of people that made a music video and a few other acts with people singing. After that, came the karaoke.

Now there are two things that make me think I can sing: the shower, and alcohol; and thanks to Iced Teas brewed in New York I was able to get up in front of everyone and sing a song. My choice: The Gambler by Kenny Rogers. I wanted to do a song that everyone would know and sing along with. It worked like a charm, I had the whole place singing along with me, probably for the best though, as I was unable to hear myself sing, so I have no idea how off key I was. They really should have a monitor when you sing karaoke so you can hear how you're sounding and adjust as you see fit. Altogether, people loved my song and I was told I did a really good job.

In all, it was great to see everyone loosen up. It was amusing to see a majority of the division drunk as can be and it was an altogether good time. Parties like this one bring you to a more social level with your co-workers and allow you to develop an other-than-work relationship with them. In my oppinion, parties like this should happen at least quarterly.

I'd be there.

If you live in the United States and you keep up with the current weather patterns you would already know that the Northeast got hammered with snow this past weekend. The snow actually came down between 3pm on Sunday through 10am or so on Monday. Just about everything was cancelled, state police cautioned people to only drive if they have somewhere to go. I had to go to work.

Yellow Post-It's taste the best to me,
I can not tell you why.
It could be their unique shade,
Or their number seven dye.

I know that eating little bits,
Of paper isn't good.
And I would stop chewing them,
Only if I could.

Is it better than smoking cigarettes?
Oh wait, I do that too.
I am going to die real young,
What is a man to do?

So I guess I'll keep on doing it,
To this office supply.
And 3M will surely stay in business,
Until the day I die.

Early in my high school days I was introduced to an online game called a MUD. MUD is an acronym for "Multi User Dungeon". Now, mind you, that this is well before the Internet as we know it. The primary way to get information was to use the Gopher client, and HTML web pages were just was well looked at through a text browser like Lynx than through a graphical browser. Netscape was in an early version; Internet Explorer didn't exist.

The MUDs were completely text based fantasy lands, role playing games coded in C and hosted off from a Unix server. The best thing about these games was the complete customizability of them. The source code was always included with them which gave the ability to add or change any part of the game; areas, monsters, weapons, items, the list goes on and on. Bottom line -- if you wanted to do something in a MUD, with an experienced enough coder, it could be done.

Although you could theme a MUD to pretty much anything, and most MUDs came pre-packaged with a generic area set, the one I played was based heavily on Robert Jordan's "The Wheel of Time" series. If you like fantasy novels, I would suggest this series highly. I think there are eight books now in the series.

Anyway, these MUDs were extremely addicting. I spent many, many hours playing; doing quests, killing monsters, engaging in battles with other players. I attribute my ability to type 100+ words a minute to playing these games, bottom line was if you couldn't type quicky, you were going to be killed. At a few points I was so engrossed in the game that I dreampt in text, believing I was actually part of the MUD.

Then, one day, as fast as the addiction came on, it was gone. I no longer wanted to spend my every waking hour playing. I'd play now and again but never like I used to. But now there is something new.

To pass time because of shortage of funds I aquired Final Fantasy XI. Yes, that's right, eleven. I've played most of the other Final Fantasy games in the past on Playstation and Playstation 2, and I would consider myself a big fan. I was excited to play XI because of a new twist -- the game was entirely online.

Aside of the fact that it took me over six hours to install, the game is incredible. Attention was paid to every single detail, making the game the most complex in it's entirety than any other game I've played. But now I have a problem.

I can't stop playing. It's a MUD with graphics.

As it is, I think it's bad enough that we have to listen to people in the stalls in a public restroom. As natural as all the sounds are, and even though everyone makes them, I still kind of find them offensive and disgusting.

But don't you think that if you need to groan and pant loud enough so that the whole public toilet can hear you, that you should probably go see a doctor?

It seems like whatever you do these days you're stomping on someone's rights, or if you've even received help from somone, you might have had your rights impeded on. Regardless, all it takes is a good lawyer and someone could be collecting money if you look at them the wrong way.

I myself don't understand why everyone is so sue-happy these days. Why everyone believes that they're owed something for even the smallest things. I'm not about to sue McDonald's for millions because I got fat eating there, or sue my neighbors for $8 million dollars for having pink flamingos on their lawn. Hell, I never collected the money that was owed to me in the Music Industry CD Settlement.

Recently I've seen quite an influx of commercials on TV advertising for people to call and get information to join class action lawsuits for different reasons. "If you've been exposed to asbestos..." and "Have you had, or plan to have surgery for carpal tunnel..." The ads complete with, "Call and listen to our 24 hour recorded message."

Now, these cases may be a little more legit than some, but who has the time on their hands to listen to such a long message? :P

So I slacked a little bit on posting these past few days. I'm hoping there's no relation with me having the past four days off from work. I did start to write a few days ago, but I clicked on a link which opened up in the same window as my post. After realizing what I did and clicking the back button, my writing was lost. So I cursed to myself quietly and said forget it.

I had a decent holiday, and I can attribute the rest of my laziness to Thanksgiving. Mass amounts of Turkey and leftovers means mass amounts of tryptophan, which is going to make me lazy and sleepy and is a great scapegoat for why I bummed around my whole four day weekend, right?

According to snopes.com, the Online Urban Legends Reference Pages, the fact that tryptophan in turkey makes you sleepy is all but a legend. Read the whole writeup here: Snopes Turkey Urban Reference page.

Click here for some other Thanksgiving myths: Snopes Thanksgiving Reference Page.

So were these last four days productive? Not at all. I ate a lot, and I did a lot less.

Tasteless Michael Jackson joke of the day:

Q: What does Michael Jackson call a circumcision?
A: Foreplay.